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The Succubus Within (eBook)
|The Succubus Within|
The Succubus Within eBook Cover,
written by Lostsoul
|Publication date||May 31, 2016|
The Succubus Within is an eBook written by Lostsoul. In this work the character Hathor is a Succubus as are several other characters.
- Title: The Succubus Within
- Author: Lostsoul
- Published By: Lostsoul
- Length: 29 Pages
- Format: eBook
- ASIN: B01GGPLQOG
- Publishing Date: May 31, 2016
Follow the tale of Hathor, one of Egypt's many Goddesses of fertility. In present day Kansas City, lurks a Goddess in human form. Ancient and powerful, she enjoys the sexual energy of college girls. After walking on Earth alone for over two thousand years, she desires a companion. Ra, furious that she has broken his rules on creating another, makes quite the entrance. Can she keep him from enslaving and destroying the modern world?
The following review was originally published by Tera on her Blog, A Succubi's Tale on December 4, 2016
Being immortal means sometimes your name is forgotten to all, even yourself at times. Hathor is a succubus, a long lived one. Once worshipped in Egypt, she now holds sway over a small part of the modern world. But the past can haunt anyone, and when Hathor finds it calling, she cannot resist the call.
The single thing about this work is that the author has so many ideas to play with, so many moments to tell and they all come out in a rush. There’s not much time spent in delving into Hathor’s story, her past. There’s more focus on some odd erotica, some BDSM, and a fixation on Hathor being, in a way, a mix of both succubus and vampire for all of the blood that comes.
Some of Hathor’s succubus powers, as they are used on a large number of female students around her, are interesting and if the author had invested the time to tell more of a story there, that might have helped. In the same way, Hathor’s consumption of the girls, and that happens a lot, becomes a bit receptive, sometimes nasty and evil. Much of her telling of that is emotionally lacking and seemingly feels tacked onto the story.
The characters are very thinly written. There’s little to no character development and when one single important thing changes for Hathor, it reads like it is brushed off, not expanded on as such an event seemed to matter to her. There is a transformation of another character into being a succubus, but that isn’t described well, told in passing, and as events unfold, becomes a questionable moment in the story. There is meaning to the event, it draws Ra into the story, but again, there’s a lot of emotion that simply does not exist.
The fleeing moments of erotica have barely any heat, there’s no real passion to them. Some of the mind control aspects offer heat, but that isn’t played out as it could have been. At times the mind control… really isn’t. Characters fall under Hathor’s sway, but oddly.
That then is the core problem with this work. It’s written oddly, it doesn’t take the plot points and expand on them very far. The work reads as if the author had a series of ideas, connected them as best as possible, and tried to make something of them. There is a story here, but it doesn’t have time to come to fruition. The work, the characters, the ideas need time to breath and that never happens.
That’s a shame because plotting the path of Hathor from Egypt to Kansas City as this story does, skims over so many stories. As the work is told from the perspective of Hathor, there should have been more time spent developing her story than there is. There’s missed opportunities here and that’s the shame.
Two and a half out of five pitchforks.
The work is very much unfinished. Not so much in that there isn’t a story here, for there is, but rather the thoughts are incomplete and scattered. There’s too much of a rush at times, a skimming over of plot and characters when there need not be. As well, the focus wanders in telling the story of Hathor, giving glimpses of something larger but never telling that story. The work is ‘complete’, but it isn’t ‘finished’ or ‘polished’ enough.