There needs to be a purpose to characters within a story. It’s not quite enough for them to appear, explode onto the scene, and then leave suddenly with the wake of their actions left behind. Having something happen without a reason bothers me. I’d like to know what dove a character to do what they did, how they came to be.
Sometimes that’s not possible as the rest of the characters in the story have no idea why things turned out as they did. But when the character in question might have been more present, more active, to be more than just a sexual being in the midst of others, there’s something left behind that seems to limit the story overall.
- Title: The Succubus Within: The Chronicles of Demetri Risk
- Author: Arwen Chandler
- Length: 46 Pages
- ASIN: B0716DTXCT
- Publishing Date: May 5, 2017
- This work in Kindle Format at Amazon.com
The work tells the story of:
Demetri Risk would rather parkour across the city fighting Demons, than entertain councilmen in his manor house. But, when people are dying up and down the eastern seaboard, his priority is to determine the cause. Under his roof, a succubus strikes and kills without mercy. Can Demetri stop this demon, without alienating one of his most powerful allies? Or, will everything come crashing down when there is a succubus within?
In the aftermath of his choices, Demetri finds himself at a gathering to come to terms with what faces them all. But in the midst of the discussions, a succubus finds her way into the midst of the gathering and she has a goal, and a plan.
The work is the second in the Demetri Risk series which focuses upon a group of supernatural beings revolving around the main character, and the trial and tribulations he faces. The work is more of a mystery, overall, with really very little in the way of any sort of erotica. It’s about the characters themselves trying to deal with a problem and what happens when the resolution comes to be.
There’s little doubt as to whom the succubus is in this work, she’s very present and clearly a succubus from her first appearance. There’s a air of seduction around her, but rather than being a whisper, it’s very much like a hammer in the story. There’s no mystery as to who the succubus is, there’s no question when she’s focusing her powers on others in the story as well. Her character is used in a heavy-handed method, which seems odd as a reader. If the other characters are as aware of the supernatural as they seem to be, then the moment the succubus appears, really any of the more aware characters should have known what was going on. Especially when every single character is drawn together at one point, the succubus included.
I felt that, overall, the main character was rather clueless at times, and more so his actions to discover the succubus felt ham-fisted. While that needed to be, considering the events of the work and how it ends, it just didn’t feel right to me much of the time.
That said, the succubus herself isn’t really part of the story so much as she’s dancing about the edges much of the time. Her appearance is limited, there’s no explanation given to why she was there, what her purpose was, or where she came from. There’s a lot of questions left unanswered and it seemed like her only purpose was to throw a monkey wrench into things, turning the series on its ear before the work comes to a close. It’s a real gap in the storytelling and while the succubus is, after all, a minor character, it still would have been nice to see her being more seductive, speaking more, even taunting would have been nice to see. As it is she remains a mystery throughout and that is a shame.
The work ends in a way that leaves a lot of questions to be answered in the next work, most importantly about a central character and what’s happened to her. I’m hoping for some sort of back connection to the succubus, if only to fill in the gaps of this work and offer something more than just the fleeing glimpse that came here.
The work is well written, if rather fast paced, and I think the author might be served in slowing down the storytelling. Perhaps more time spent in developing relationship more than they do, or opening up more of the backgrounds of the characters would be a good thing. There’s a good story here and I liked it for the most part. I just wanted more story about the characters and the succubus herself.
Three and a half out of five pitchforks.
While the story is very good and the characters well written, there’s just so little which the succubus does as a character. She’s in the story, has a role to play, but there’s nothing told about her, where she came from, or anything to make her more than simply a means to an end within the story.
That said, the ending offers an interesting possibility to explore succubi in a way. It would be something that would make things more interesting, overall, but I think that it won’t happen as I hope it might. The series will move onwards, there’s some serious problems to be dealt with. That means little time to explain the “why” of what the succubus did going forwards. But that still doesn’t mean there isn’t the scope within the series to move from reactions to explanations sometime.
I’ve gone back and read the first work in the series, which you can find here, and I think there’s a lot of promise as a whole to the series. I like the characters, I like the setting and story as well. I still feel like there’s a bit too much “skimming” overall, and perhaps a bit more depth would make things more interesting.
I’ll be watching to see what comes next.