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Nov 08 2016

A Review of The Half-Succubus Gal Julie Direct: The Second Circle Summoner by Heidi Fisk

The Half-Succubus Gal Julie Direct: The Second Circle Summoner by Heidi Fisk

The Half-Succubus Gal Julie Direct: The Second Circle Summoner by Heidi Fisk

There are quite a number of short stories about succubi that appear now which can be either something really good, or something not so much so. Much of the difference comes from the writing, the dialogue and the characters. But the singular point that matters most is some kind of effort made to edit the story into something that is comprehensible.

Telling a story that has no focus, seems not to know what comes next, other than the main character, and then falls into a series of scenes that have really nothing connection them is a problem. More so when what little story there is just doesn’t go anywhere at all by the time the last paragraph appears.

  • Title: The Half-Succubus Gal Julie Direct: The Second Circle Summoner
  • Author: Heidi Fisk
  • Length: 25 Pages
  • ASIN: B01FJ9H5KO
  • Publishing Date: May 11, 2016
  • This work at Amazon.com

The work tells the story of:

Julie Direct was just a girl who loved sex, at least that is what she thought as first until a mysterious book her mother left her started summoning demons that wanted to have sex with her. That isn’t even getting to the nun with a penis.

Julie is know for being oversexed but really doesn’t know why. Finding a book her mother left her takes Julie to learning she is a succubus and while that explains a little, she’s still as lost as she ever was.

The work is, overall, a very difficult read because of the many editing mistakes, wooden dialogue, disjointed sentence structure and most of all, a seeming lack of where the story wants to go. It reads very much like a stream of consciousness, never really settling into any kind of meaningful story at all.

It’s hard to figure out just who Julie is, there’s very little told about her past, how she wound up where she is now. The story tells more about Julie’s seeming endless need for sex anywhere possible, including on a bus, than it does in really constructing her character. The work reads like a Hentai novel overall, but in doing so that takes away any sort of real exposition for the sake of getting Julie to the next erotic scene.

Even when characters appear who seem to have known her for some time, they pop in and then out of the story for no seeming purpose other than as a cameo. When Julie figures out how the book her mother gave her works, the story moves into a porn scene, it really isn’t erotica, that comes and goes in a flash before the story gets lost again.

The work shows there has been little, if any, editing at all for the vast number of spelling and grammar mistakes. The dialogue reads oddly, the narrative is mostly non-existent. There isn’t so much a story as a series of short porn scenes where Julie gets to come… over and over again… and then it rushes off in another direction altogether.

Even when Julie learns something about herself, about her power and the book she has, that isn’t really built upon. There’s some passing explanation and then Julie’s off to enjoy some Hentai porn with another new character in the story.

This is all a shame because there is a story here, somewhere, but it can’t get out from under the focus on porn scenes, the lack of editing, and the feeling that the work was written in another language and then put through Google translator for the final work.

One pitchfork out of five.

The work needs a serious editing, time spent on actually telling a story instead of running around in circles, and, most of all, some kind of focus. There is a story here, somewhere, but how it is presented just makes it so very hard to find among all of the editing mistakes.

 

Tera

1 comment

  1. avatar
    James

    It sounds as if the work needs an author. Your Majesty thought there was a story there somewhere; I suspect it is in Your Majesty’s imagination, waiting for Her to write it. This . . . author . . . seems to have been looking for an excuse to sell some bad porn scenes.

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