I don’t really expect much from stories that are less than ten pages. There won’t be much in the way of story, of characters, really not much of anything save for what amounts to a porn movie scene and not a lot else. That’s not to say it isn’t possible to write a very short story and have something interesting in it.
What becomes a real problem is when the story isn’t one, the main character “sounds” like an idiot, and in the end there’s really nothing told about why things happened as they did… in the fastest way possible.
- Title: Sucked by a Succubus
- Author: Eve Renaud
- Length: 5 Pages
- IBSN: 9781310396373
- Publishing Date: December 30, 2015
- This work at Smashwords.com
It is the story of:
A young man is woken up by a demon with an insatiable desire for cock and the only one who can save him is his stepsister.
Wren tells of an encounter that he doesn’t understand exactly, but he does understand that something weird did, even if his stepsister’s not telling him what.
The work is, as a whole, written like a porn movie scene, told in the main character’s voice, who sounds like he’s bragging to a friend about it, and leaves any kind of story or character development to the side for the sake of getting to the… erotica.
I’m hesitate to call what happens in this work erotica exactly because the telling comes out in a rush, leaving no time to figure out what’s going on exactly. Beyond that, the actual hot flash really isn’t all that hot all things considered. Yes, there is a succubus encounter, but there’s not a word spoken, a reason given or anything. The story goes from bland to full-on succubus snacking in at the drop of a hat and when Wren’s stepsister gets involved things rush onto the climax even faster still.
The succubus is, as a whole, rather stereotypical, seeming only to care about taking Wren in any way possible and as quickly as she can. There’s not a lot of actual succubus mind control as such, though some of the descriptions are sort of interesting. There’s no reason given for her being there, other than the stepsister is a witch, and all that happens with that is in a blur and never explained either.
The ending is abrupt, again the sort of thing one sees in a porn movie when the “action” is done with. There’s no explanation, nothing that Wren talks about. He seems to be completely clueless over the events and really seems to only care that he had sex. Beyond that there’s nothing that he cared about, nothing mattered, and being so, the story ends in a way that just left me cold.
The thing is, there is a story here, if the author would have tried to write that. If some effort had been taken at better writing, better characters, and even telling more of a story around the encounter, I would have liked this more. But that didn’t come, even if the characters did. The idea of the stepsister being a witch, summoning the succubus, and for what reason would be interesting to know. The succubus herself, telling something more about her other than she was one, would be nice. Even making Wren sounding less of a vain idiot would be an improvement.
One pitchfork out of five.
There is a story here, it could be something interesting, but it wasn’t given a chance to happen. This might well make for a porn movie scene, and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if one was inspired by this, but otherwise there’s nothing here of note. Juvenile sounding characters sort of talking about an encounter with a succubus in a tone that sounds “Valley Guy” doesn’t work.