A story about Succubi needs to have heat. It should be erotic of course, but there needs to be the story to bring that heat up and make the story boil at the right moments.
But it’s more important that you edit your story. To fix the mistakes that take away the heat. That kills what otherwise can be something special.
- Title: A Succubus In Heat
- Author: Eve Wells
- Length: 29 Pages
- ASIN: B00IDC0BPQ
- Publishing Date: February 10, 2014
- This work at Amazon.com
The work tells of:
There is something wrong with Lauren. She is spiraling out of control. Her life has become a blur of sex, drugs and lies, but is there something more happening? As her dreams become more intense and otherworldly her darkest desires will finally be set free.
It’s hard to like Lauren, or for that matter, her life which unfolds at the beginning of this work. She is very much a one-dimensional character, as are the others in her life and those that she meets. Much of the beginning has Lauren seeming like she’s in a bad pornographic movie, and some of those moments were rather unsatisfying… Mind you they weren’t all that wonderful for her either.
Her world changes when she encounters a demon in her dreams and she is transformed into a Succubus. I thought the description of her change was well done and her new form was unique and quite different as a Succubus. Red hair, gold skin and silver eyes gave an image in my thoughts that I found very sensual. Lauren, as a Succubus, when her powers were used, was very hot and had a touch of a mind control aspect to them that fit into the story in just the right way to make the heat better still.
It isn’t quite a hot flash, there is more story than something like that would have.The climax of the work was not what I expected and it leads towards what I think is an obvious second work as a series if the author continues this further. There are questions unanswered, but as a whole that didn’t bother me too much as the story itself managed to keep focus on Lauren’s new life as a Succubus and what she becomes, or desires to become.
The writing, at least in the actions of the characters and the erotica itself is well done. The characters are slightly one-dimensional for most of the story but the transformation of Lauren and how she changes over time have lovely heat in them. But in all of the positive aspects of the work, there is a problem. This work should have seen at least one more editing pass to remove several word errors, some tense errors, the capitalization of the word “it” in the middle of a sentence and as well one glaring instance of Lauren’s name being misspelled.
I’m giving this work three and a half out of five pitchforks.
The author needs an editor. Or at least to run their work through a spell check to catch the most obvious errors that appear. But, and this is important, the story itself is very good and has promise in the words that it contains. Silly mistakes take away from that unfortunately. They shouldn’t have.