Recently I reviewed a series of short stories in which the main character is transformed into an Incubus. You can find those reviews here and here on the Tale. The author added another two works to the series then issued the six parts as a single volume. As such, this review will be of the series as a whole and how, as as whole, I’m rather disappointed in the lack of editing, story, and really only a focus upon what consists of a series of short pieces of porn and little else.
A story needs something more than sex to make it interesting. It needs editing, focus, character development and, at some point, a connection with the reader. Porn alone is not a story. Sex alone is not character development. It’s especially a problem when there are seeds of ideas, but they aren’t developed into something more.
- Title: Incubus Journal: Complete
- Author: The Mad Hatter
- Length: 75 Pages
- ASIN: B01LYUJRQJ
- Publishing Date: September 16, 2016
- This work in Kindle Format at Amazon.com
The work tells of:
Follow our protagonist as he slowly finds himself turning into a male succubus, an incubus. He starts to enslave women to his will, changing them to fit his preferences. Huge breast and butt being just a start. Turning a woman into a Nekogirl being one and inflating another. Will he let these powers destroy him, corrupt him or will he master them?
Chris becomes an incubus, uses his powers on various men and women, has sex with a succubus and then faces a demoness that wants to destroy him. Assuming of course all of the sex doesn’t get too much in his way that is.
There is a lot of issues with this work, and the series as a whole. There’s no editing to speak of, there’s no story to follow really. There’s an attempt at plot but it doesn’t go anywhere. The writing is odd, almost unreadable, the dialogue is uneven, and the actions of the main character at times, I found to be a problem.
The problem is that the series seems to be so focused on the erotica that when the real background about what is going on appears, when there is a story to be told, it really isn’t. It’s also a good idea to remember what your main character’s name is as well. Characters are not described much, save for what’s needed for the porn scenes, the transformations are written in a way that seems flat and, as well, there comes a lot of confusion as to what exactly is going on.
The story wanders aimlessly for the most part and when something does happen, there’s no focus and no direction. The main character’s voice seems to be dumbed down more and more as their transformation continues. A measure of justice is done in the aftermath, but it is confusing and unclear. There is the feeling that these are a series of moments vaguely tied together towards in trying to get back to the main story.
Spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, and overall how the text reads just doesn’t work. There’s a hint as to what’s going on, but all of the characters are cardboard cutouts. The sad part is, from time to time, the author hints at little side stories which would have been really interesting, but only mentions them in passing before going back to the porn scenes.
There are, by my count, about ten ways for this story to have been told better, expanded, the characters made to be more. That it didn’t happen, that the author didn’t spend some time to edit this into something more than a hot mess is a shame. More so that they charged for this.
Half of a pitchfork out of five.
Erotica alone is not a story. Transformation alone is not a story. Calling someone a succubus, or incubus, is not a story. Connecting the dots is. But that didn’t happen. The author needs to edit this work into something more substantial, tell more of a story. This isn’t a story, it’s a short series of barely connected porn scenes wrapped around a charade of a main character.
It could be more, but it didn’t happen.