Dec 08 2014

Give by TeraS

Today, I know, some are expecting the story of Sparkly Horn Horror to continue. It won’t—at least not today.

I received an email last night about a dear friend and my heart and soul just isn’t into writing at all right now. Truthfully, I didn’t even want to write anything at all.

How do you write anything when you know that someone you love dearly is … not well.

I know this is vague, but I can’t bring myself to really say what is going on. I don’t want to hurt my friend or my friend’s family or loved ones, by putting out in the open what’s happened and how much it hurts myself and my Eternal.

The worst thing is that I can’t do anything about it. I can’t make it better. I can’t go there and comfort my friend or my friend’s love and family. I can’t do a blessed thing about anything and, for those that know me, that hurts in ways I cannot explain or express well enough.

That will haunt me, as it does every time that someone I love is hurt, suffers, grieves, and more.


By TeraS


The hallway is empty at this time of night. Silence reigns, the sounds muted, lost, swallowed up by the place. The lights are low; that is supposed to make things easier … somehow. The place isn’t good for dreams, isn’t the best for pleasures and the things that call to her.

That’s never stopped her before.

In-between the ticks of the clock in the hallway, in the moments between the then, the now, and the time to be, she resides. No one sees her. This is a place that she isn’t meant to be, meant to visit, meant to.

That’s never stopped her before.

She stands there, at the edge of the doorway, not seen by anyone, looking into the room. Her hands worry away as she looks inside, seeing. She wants to go inside, to sit there in the room with them. She wants to comfort them both. She wants to talk, to say all of the things unsaid, unspoken save for within her soul.

That’s never stopped her before.

She cries tears that they will never see, never know. She’ll be strong for them, giving her hopes, wishes, love, and more to them without asking for anything in return, as she has always done. She knows that all of that means something, somewhere, somehow, though she cannot explain how she knows that.

That’s never stopped her before.

She wants to offer herself in their place. She thinks about that a long time in the middle of the night. She considers what she is worth, what her value would be on the scales. Would it be enough to tip the balance? Could it be enough to make things … better? There are some, she knows, who would, at this moment, tell her that she was being foolish.

That’s never stopped her before.

She didn’t hesitate when her friend first said “hello,” so long ago, calling her “My Light.” Remembering that moment, those words, she cries more, longer, achingly. She didn’t worry when she gave up a piece of her soul, her light. That is, always, who she was, who she is. It was, in that moment and every moment afterwards, exactly what she was meant to do, meant to be. There was no pain then. The pain comes now … deeply.

That’s never stopped her before … ‘til now.

She cannot do anything else but cry. In this world, this place, she hasn’t the power to move worlds. She cannot heal with a touch, cannot make the wrongs right at the snap of a finger. Her horns aren’t real here. She isn’t what she dreams of being. She’s just herself, huddled against the door, crying softly and trying desperately not to wake them.

That stops her now.

All she has is her faith, something that she thought she lost once, but it was rediscovered by her heart. All she has is her Eternal, who lets her cry and does the things that she can’t do now, for she cannot stop crying. All she has is the love for the one she knows she cannot help. All she has is the love for the one she knows is there with him. All she has is the grief. That’s all there is right now inside of her.

That stops her now.

She remembers something that allows her to smile, just a little: a moment with them, the words shared, the stories told. It’s so hard to get past the tears. It’s so, so hard. She takes a shuddering breath and looks at the words now. Thinks about them, still crying. Then she pushes her sadness to the side, puts on a wan smile, and remembers.

That’s never stopped her before.

It won’t stop her now. She’ll pray for a small mercy from the Goddess, asking not for herself—it is never for herself. She asks for them, that anything can be taken from her to make that happen, to give them a blessing. It isn’t much to ask for, is it? Not that much to give? It’s a price worth paying, isn’t it?

That’s never stopped her before.

But there is a truth that comes in the night to her. Sometimes you can’t give to get what you wish for. No matter how much you try. That leaves but one thing behind.

That’s never stopped her before.

And so she gives her tears and cries.


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  1. avatar

    ” She’s just herself, huddled against the door, crying softly and trying desperately not to wake them.”

    But some of us know is that just Your Majesty, just being Herself, is one of the most amazing forces for good in all the universes, doing far more than even Your Majesty realizes.

    *Huggles from your heart and prayer for those dear to you*

  2. avatar
    David G

    Wishes and prayer for you and your friend.

  3. avatar

    I am in agreement with Sir James, Dearest — any care, thought, and emotion that you have for the sake of another is a blessing and a wondrous gift to cherish.

    Truly, I hope the best for the friend in question… and I also hope that in my doing so, it might somehow aid in the depth of what you feel.

    :: huggles ::

  4. avatar

    Every tiny gesture of support that you give your friends in these dire moments is a tremendous help to them. It may not seem like much but it’s those moments and the knowledge that other people care about us that gives us the strength to overcome these difficulties. Here’s hoping things get better for you and those dear to you. For what it’s worth, I’m praying for you all too.

  5. avatar

    Thank you all… Promise.


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