Sometimes we want to be something we aren’t… Perhaps there’s a story in that…
I’ll Never Be
I’ll Never Be
Some say that we see our true selves when we look into the mirror. The real, bare-to-the-world, self that appears there is the one that we cannot hide away with clothes or attitude or anything else to cloak who we believe we are from what the world sees.
On one particular day in the Realm, one particular succubi was looking into a mirror. Not one of those special mirrors that showed her Tailself, but rather an ordinary, everyday sort of mirror. “I’ll never be like her.” Those words were spoken by this purple tail with black hair who was staring at her reflection. She looked and saw everything she thought was wrong with her: her hair, not quite the right shade of raven; her tail, never to be the right shade of red, either; her eyes, not green, but blue.
She sighed and continued to mentally mark off every part of her that wasn’t … right. The list was a long one, and it seemed like every look into the mirror revealed yet another fault, another flaw that would make sure that she could never be … like Her.
There was a sigh from across the room: “So? Why do you have to be like “Her,” anyway? What’s so great about being like “Her,” anyway, Bev?”
The purple tail spun around and looked miffed: “It’s Beverly! She doesn’t use nicknames! She never does! … She’s …”
“… Perfect? Dammit all, Bev, you have to get over this. She’s who she is; so are you.”
Beverly shook her head and looked back into the mirror: “No. I have to be … better. I need to be better. She’s …” Beverly sighed: “Exactly how does she manage not to use contractions?”
A long green tail rose into the air and waved lazily: “’Cause she’s been around the block a lot longer than you or me. It’s a habit for her. You trying to force yourself isn’t ever going to work.”
“Shut up, Jill …”
“You mean “Jillian,” don’t you?”
Beverly waved her hands in the air: “Fine! Great! Wonderful! Jillian! Are you happy now?”
There was the sound of bedclothes rustling followed by the patter of bare feet over the floor. Then Beverly felt Jill’s arms around her waist and Jill’s tail wrapping around one of her legs. “Not going to be happy until you follow me and let me try out the next chapter from the book on you. I really want to find that one spot that will make you cum your brains out.”
Beverly tried—really tried—to be angry: “No. Don’t wanna.”
However, the pull from Jillian towards the bed wasn’t something she was going to be able to resist for long … not that she ever really tried.
Night had fallen before Jill figured out where that spot was. Beverly was panting from—one … two … three … four—her fifth orgasm, mind you, when she gave the green-tail a pinch on her thigh and begged off from further fun and games … for the moment, at least.
They were cuddled on the bed together, tails entwined, looking out at the stars that shone over the Realm. “Why can’t I be like Her, Jill? I mean, she’s perfect, she’s everything I want to be. I want …”
“… You want to make her proud of you? Bev, are you really that dense? She’s proud of all of her family.”
“I know that, I really do. I just …” The sigh that followed was one of those that makes you just hug the one who sighed extra tightly. “… I’m just ordinary.”
The hug was, truly, extra tight. Then Jill untangled herself from Bev and moved to sit on top of her, her legs straddling Beverly’s waist. “Do I have to use some mind control on you or something? Maybe I should.” She poked a fingertip against her lover’s forehead before continuing: “I think there’s something not right in there and you need an attitude adjustment.”
Beverly closed her eyes and counted to ten … then twenty … not saying a word until she reached thirty. “My attitude is fine.”
“No, it’s not, and you know it isn’t right. You have this fixation on being everything she is.”
“It’s good to have a goal.”
“It’s bad to beat yourself up over it every single day and night, then sleep on it, thinking about it all of the time, and then wake up in the morning and keep beating yourself up over it.”
“It’s my life, Jill.”
Jill took hold of Beverly’s right hand and laced their fingers together. “It’s our life, you dummy. I love you. I might even be your Eternal; I hope I am. Someday I’ll … we’ll know for sure. But whether you are or aren’t, I love you, I worry about you. Please, for me, get over this.”
They looked at each other, then Beverly closed her eyes: “I’m going to see her tomorrow.”
“Good!” Jill paused, then added: “That’s good … right?”
The next part was something that Bev didn’t want to say, but did, “I’m going to ask that she … let me go to the Lake.”
“Bev …” The redhead knew that going to the Lake meant her lover would lose who she was, leaving that behind to become another succubi’s tailself.
“I can’t go on like this! I’m not perfect like she is! I’m not ever going to be! I’ll never be even half of who she is! I …”
Jill pinned Beverly’s shoulders to the bed, pressed her nose against the purple-tail’s own, and looked into her eyes: “You are not perfect. I love you. You are never going to be. I love you. You’ll never be who she is and I love you for that.”
Beverly struggled, feebly to be honest, then closed her eyes and whispered: “I’m never going to be good enough. You deserve better than me.”
Jill pushed herself away, then rolled off the bed and stood beside it, the light of the Realm’s moon shining against her skin. “That’s it. I’ve had about all I can stand of you loathing yourself and I am going to put an end to this one way or the other.”
Beverly called out to Jill, asking her to stop, but she didn’t, instead marching out of their bedroom, the door banging against the wall as she did so.
The brunette was left propped up against the pillows, her hands covering her face as she cried quietly … until she heard the sound of heels clicking on the hardwood floor of the hallway outside and her breath caught in her throat. She knew that walk … that sound …