One of the things that I think about when reading stories about Succubi and Incubi is, what do they think in the moments between ecstasy? What drives them? What manages to keep them going in the darker moments on their lives… What happens when you can live forever and you haven’t seen someone else that can for eternity?
- Title: The Immortals
- Author: Ryl Zero
- Length: 6 Pages
- Publishing Date: March 9, 2012
- This work at Smashwords.com
- This work in at Amazon.com
The story is about:
I’m waiting. Waiting for a friend, a lover, someone lost. I’ve missed the sweet scent of her sex and the feeling of her skin on mine. But she’s coming home, I can feel her. I am an immortal demon, as is she, and we are nothing if not sensitive to the presence of another. I am an Incubus, and she, a Succubus. I lust for her, and I shall have her.
This is a very hot story really. By that I mean that the author builds up the anticipation towards the Succubus and Incubus coming together and that was well done I thought.
The language is a bit gruff and perhaps it didn’t need to be all of the time, but, and this is the thing, the author painted a picture of the club the reader finds themselves in that is well done by far.
I liked the main characters, Micah, who is the Incubus, and Nattie, the Succubus. Their descriptions are lovely and really tempting to read. No horns or tails thought, but considering where they are, and what they do, it has to be expected that their true natures wouldn’t be seen.
What was more interesting was the little flashes of the minor characters in the story. They are teased to the reader, suggesting what might come later, and you find yourself at the end of the story wondering about them and what happens to them.
So, story-wise, and character-wise there is a lot in this author’s work to like. But there is a problem that this author needs to work on I think…
The author needs an editor to check their work. Several places words were wrong, or mist-tensed, or how things were described didn’t sit correctly with the rest of the story. It’s not a huge problem I admit, but I stumble over errors like that in a story and it draws me out of the heat in it.
And there is a lot of heat to enjoy in this story…
I’m giving this work four pitchforks out of five.
Just fix the spelling and grammar and that’s all this needs to have a better rating from me…