Making a choice, a hard one, sometimes isn’t the problem… The problem is believing in that you can make it in the first place…
Desires – Truths
By MZ and Tera S
Tera’s words stung deeply, but I didn’t show her my doubts and guilty. They only served to remind me of how unworthy I was of her forgiveness and love. Now I was quite certain I didn’t have it in me to forgive myself and except Tera’s love freely. If this was the last time she would have a warm heart, I wanted to try and remember Tera just the way she was at this very moment.
I resigned myself to my chosen fate as I closed my eyes and began to recite the last of the spell.
“If you can find love in your heart. Tell her so. If you can’t, your heart is cold stone. The truth is clear. Love is a two way street. She has given you her fate. Either you can, or you cannot. That is your fate…”
I took one last deep breath as the flames closed in on us rapidly. Consuming our bodies as we looked deep into each other’s eyes.
I’ve lived my life my own way… always by my own rules… believing only in myself… what has it gotten me… Oh how I long to look into those… Oh so wonderful eyes of Tera’s.
Having consumed their legs, the flames raced up their torsos. Their bodies evaporating into nothingness as MZ continued to struggle with his decision.
I’m not strong enough to give myself absolution. I can’t do it… I can’t do it.
The flames reaching their hearts and lapping around the edges of their vision. MZ gave up all hope… deciding the best he could do was surrender himself completely over to Tera. In Tera he would place himself… In Tera he would trust his fate… his life… his heart.
For you Tera, I sacrifice myself… In you…
Just before the flames consumed them both completely, I yelled out with my last breath. “And I Love You ”
The room hung heavy in a uneasy darkness and thick smoke. Slowly the murkiness Swirled away revealing Tera being cradled in my firm embrace. A deep peace in my heart growing stronger by the minute. Possessing no more fear, no more guilt, no more pain, I stood there naked and complete feeling Tera’s warm body against mine. Remaining silent, I readied myself to be there for Tera like she had been there for me.
Tera knew me better than I knew myself. She is indeed the most precious of gifts to the world and myself. I’ve come to except that I can be myself. Curtis was never anything more than my real self minus all my pain, guilt and pride. Curtis had no perspective to really appreciate the real gift that was in front of his eyes the whole time. I’m ready to be Curtis again like I was before I chose to change my name to Mind Zapper. Now I can appreciate every moment now and to come, even if Tera decides not to be a part my future anymore. I surrendered my whole self to her. Tera, I love you. Your wish shall be my every desire.
Next time… This story comes to an end…