Andrea reminds Tera that good does matter. Something she seems to have forgotten for a while…
By TeraS, Alei, and Bstyles
I walk through the house, a place of dreams, my dress of red silk flowing about me, caressing me with it’s softness.
She’s sad, so very very very sad. She doesn’t want me to know, but I do.
I come upon the library, it’s one of my favorite places. Even before, even before I’d found her I’d always loved them. Thoughts and feelings distilled in words and paper. Knowledge, hopes, dreams, preserved, protected and distilled for the ages, ages beyond me for certain if nothing else.
Books didn’t change, they didn’t judge, rise or fall. You couldn’t destroy them with a careless thought, or change them with your passion, your pride or you own failings. They simply were and in so being, they were precious.
My enlightenment hadn’t come from any of the volumes that Tera so treasured. It had come from her. An invitation to a Garden Party. I’d never known quite why I had accepted nor at the time why I’d been invited. It was for me perhaps the most dangerous of places, a social gathering where if I were not extremely careful, I could cause absolute mayhem. But I was careful. Life had made me that way. Careful not to smile, to show warmth lest that warmth destroy the one it was directed toward.
I’d lived … no … survived like that. A room with no windows, alone in a mass of people. No friends, only associates. No lovers who were not my victims. No peace except in the solitude of isolation.
But I’d come anyway. I’d told myself that it had only been to make a business contact with some wealthy patron. A Garden Party after all … how more innocuous could it possible be.
I’d found out of course. A haunting melody played on the piano by a stunningly beautiful woman in a succubus costume. I could live to be a thousand and never quite forget that moment. Seeing her there for the first time, her fingers gliding over the keys with an ease and grace I had never imagined before. Summoning up the courage to approach her and risk saying hello. How could I possibly have known that in that one moment, my life was about to change.
She’d given me a choice … and I think in the end that what I had chosen had surprised us both with it’s power. I’d taken every scrap of love within me, every passion that I had so tightly controlled for so many years, every hope, every prayer and had driven my love deep within her … and found it returned and multiplied again and again, her to me, me to her, growing until it had become something of unimaginable beauty.
I loved her, and for the first time, I was loved.
It had been a moment of perfect bliss, or perfect joy as we had given of ourselves to each other, over and over. Not for a night or a year, but until the death of my own immortal soul, I had pledged my love to her, that I would be at her side for as long as she would have me there.
I knew that I had made mistakes. She was an immortal, I so often feeling nothing but a silly girl. There was so much that I did not understand, so many times I had stumbled or interfered where I was sure I shouldn’t have. In so many ways, I knew I was simply trying to repay a gift that could never be repaid, to give to her something that I knew I could never equal.
And yet, it is the curse of mankind to strive and forever fall short of perfection, and if that was true, I was most assurredly human.
The Library was closed. I could feel it shutting itself away even as I touched to door to it’s entrance. I didn’t know quite what it meant, but I could feel it, the near unutterable sadness.
I approach the last door to the Library, the study, her favorite part. I pause and listen, listen to the voices within and gently press the door silently swinging it open.
Inside I see her, her and B. I do not need to be able to feel others emotions to sense the special bond between these two as their hands clasp each other. A special bond that goes beyond friendship, beyond love. Perhaps something only an angel and a succubus can share.
I silently slip into the room, not wishing to intrude and yet unable to leave the being that is my life alone in her sorrow. And so I offer the only gift I can to her, perhaps even unnoticed, the unconditional love of my very soul. A soul that does not care for my petty human jealousies or failings. A soul that will simply love her to it’s core until it is no more, until even the whisper of it’s existence is lost in the universe, and even then, it’s echos will still speak to her and remind her that if there is only one gift I can give … it is that she will always be loved for who and what she is not what I or any other may try to make her, loved just because she is. That I see her with clear eyes that can not be blinded and that what I see I give my existense to loving, loving beyond the words and the thoughts, to a place where only perfection exists. It is my one perfect thing, the one perfect thing I have every had, or ever will have, and it will and forever shall always be hers.
I see her eyes rise to meet mine … the strain that shows where her tears have fallen. I smile … and in that brief instant I know that she knows me. That whatever the divides that may fall between us in whatever form they may be, I will always wait for her.
“yes, you did. yes, you can. you make a difference for me. you always will.”
“i don’t know if you think that it’s all worth it, all that you do, all that i know you try to do. all that i know is that it matters, all i know is that you bring sunshine when it’s dark, comfort when there’s pain. and i know that no matter how many there are around you, all too often you’re alone, giving to those around you, not to yourself.”
“i don’t know everything Tera. you say you walk in the grey but if it is then it’s a grey that more of us should walk.” I say with a soft voice.
“never think you have failed, the only way to do that is not to try and … i can’t think of anyone that tries as much, or as hard as you. that creates it’s own good, even if you can’t see it.”
I look up into her eyes even as soft tears fill my own. “i don’t know how much you matter to others, all i know for certain is what you mean to me, and to me, you mean everything.”
“you’re my life Tera.”
I think this one answer should stand on it’s own as it did then, now and forever…